Friday, November 9, 2012

Dust and Ashes

In the last year of any degree program, its time to start thinking about what comes next.  I'm definitely thinking about academia, but i'm not that interested in the lifestyle of a research professor.  I'm also interested in living somewhere rural.  That means i'm actively seeking out positions that other people in my place might pass up.  At some point in this search, i found myself thinking that i could pretty much do whatever i wanted with my degree.  And the next instant, the Lord was in my head saying "Dust and ashes".

...

Well, that was a bit sobering.  But not immediately clear.  Everything about this search, the degree, the job and ultimately physics itself is dust and ashes.  I'm vehemently not searching for fame and fortune, so why inject that tidbit of humility into the equation?  I think this is actually an instruction about how to use prestigious degrees effectively.  It is probably extensible to all noteworthy accomplishments.

Every book about homesteading has at least a paragraph about ash.  Ash is what's left when all the life has been lived and every last scrap of living energy has been spent.  Even the ever-hungry fireplace has rejected it, but ash is far from useless.  Fine ash is used to make soap, but the majority of a winter's ash build-up is tilled back into the fields in the spring to supply the next year's crop with much needed potash (farmer-speak for water-soluble potassium).  If fields are harvested year after year without getting a coating of ash back now and then, they stop yielding.  So having ash is very important, but you'd be insane to hoard up large piles of it.  Aside from the social awkwardness, stockpiled ash eventually becomes wet and turns to lye, which is toxic and extremely caustic.  Ash turned to lye in a charcoal grill will eat through the steel bottom in a season or two.  It will dissolve skin fairly quickly, but what makes it so dangerous is that it isn't immediately painful.  Fail to treat lye with respect and you can sustain serious injuries before you realize anything is wrong.  For this reason, it is important to sequester ashes in a safe place and disperse them back to the soil as soon as you can.

When you start a new degree program, you typically move to a new place and start a new life.  That life must be lived then.  Days are spent, whether well or poorly, and at the end of them there are no more.  A degree, in a sense, is what is left when all the life of the degree program has been lived.  There will be another life afterward, but you can't save up this one to live later.  So the question is what to do with the degree.  One popular answer is to put it on the wall and let everyone know about it.  Even if you don't openly flaunt it, there's always that temptation to pull the PhD card.  Just a subtle reminder why your opinion is important.  Physicists are notorious for this even when the debate isn't strictly about physics.  While it often wins arguments and earns respect of a sort, this is toxic to the kinds of relationships that will grow Life in your new life.  Worse, the toxicity isn't immediately apparent.  It may be some time before you start to wonder why relationships haven't deepened.  The better approach is to take everything that degree represents: work experience, classes, extracurricular awards, and till it under so that only you know about it.  Of course, share your knowledge freely (when asked) and do everything to the best of your ability, but let that flow out of who you have become instead of trying to transplant a piece of your previous life.

As my program comes to an end, it is important to finish strong so that i have plenty of ash for the next Spring of my life.  It is also important to leave things in such a way that my presence is not required.  By training my replacement, writing documentation and cleaning up the lab i recognize an Autumn, a time to harvest papers and prepare for the Winter between-time ahead.  On my resume, there will be a large section about a PhD with Prof. Famous at Prestigious U.  That is a natural result of building a resume (another Autumn activity), but the goal should be to sequester it there.  In interviews, i should be talking about what work they want done and how i am prepared to do it well.  Just as last year's growth is pruned back and burned to increase this year's yield, it is better to enter a new place as an unknown and become known for the work done there.

I have been greatly blessed in this season of my life, so its closure should yield godly ashes.  (Presumably the way to identify God's ashes is to till them under and see if the enriched man yields more godly fruit?  Hard to assess as the man in question.)  Anyway, the point is they are God's ashes.  While very useful, they are dangerous in a subtle way and they are not mine to put on display or to cast about carelessly.

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